Umm....what????

Whew.  These last 22 hours have been nothing short of a whirlwind.  Emotions, oh lordy the emotions.  How did I get here?  That's a question I have only asked once since I heard the news.  After I hung up the phone with the doctor and stared at my husband's worried face the only words I could find were, "How did I get here?"  And if I can help it, that will be the only time I say those words.  Because the bottom line is it doesn't matter how or why this came about.  I am here.  I, Rachel Ann Reyes, have can...oh gosh...cancer.  Cancer.  Cancer.  Yep, that's the word.  6 letters that changed everything.
Back in January, I lost 6-7 lbs out of nowhere.  I have spent the last 4 months trying to gain even one of them back to no avail. I could spend the time to tell you the things I have done trying to figure out an answer, colonoscopy included and when I am in a more humorous mood I will enlighten you on that little journey, yet everything came back normal.  Even the 3 blood test done on my thyroid were normal.  3 or so weeks after my last, "Everything is fine, probably just because you are nursing," answer I went to a new doctor.  This doctor spent 45 mins (no joke) in the room with me reviewing everything.  She was convinced I was going to end up with some kind of food allergy and ordered a blood work up that would rival any other.  I mean I think I gave about 10 vials of blood that day.  As I was wrapping up with her she said, "alright, plop up on the table and let me have a look at ya."  She felt my thyroid and made a comment about how she thought it felt a bit large and she thought maybe she felt a nodule.  I thought NOTHING of it and scheduled my ultrasound.  The ultrasound revealed 3 nodules.  This is about when I got nervous.  You mean, there is actually something there??? I had gotten so used to the "everything is normal, you are fine" results I was taken aback when there was something there.  I scheduled my biopsy.  I sat in the biopsy room with a nurse, the PA, and some other guy with a microscope and joked around with the doctors, talked about John Mayer, and made fun of my husband, who came down on his break, about wearing a scrub shirt that was wayyy toooo short.  In between conversation the PA assured me that 95% of these things are benign, and if I'm in the small percent that is actually something thyroid cancer is the most treatable and so on and so forth.  The next day I went to my favorite little school to sub and spent the day teaching P.E. and wearing a band aid on my neck that only the Kindergartner's had enough curiosity to ask about.  When I got in the car to head home I talked with the nurse over the phone about how my results were in and I needed to schedule an appt with my doctor for the next day to go over them.  I couldn't, I told her, as I was leaving for California in a few short hours for a week and a half.  Could the doctor please just tell me over the phone???  She told me she would ask and get back to me the next day.  Let's fast forward here past the 10 hours in a mini van, screaming children, the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and the relentless sound of Toy Story 3 from the back of my head rest and get to our arrival in California.  For it was no more then 35 minutes after I walked in the door to my grandparents house that I got what will forever be known as "the call."  I excused myself to the back room and braced.  Braced for the news, good or bad.  Braced for the potential that the next 5 mins could change my life forever.  "Hi, Rachel.  Well as you probably guessed (side note:  I HADN'T) since I am contacting you on your vacation, the results did not come back as we would have hoped."  *staring at the wall* "Your results show that the nodule we biopsied tested positive for cancer." *sucking in air* "Now I know no one likes to hear the "c" word" *flat on the floor* "but I just want to encourage you that the kind you have is one of the more treatable cancers." *my husband enters, I stare into his eyes, he looks at the floor, he gets it* "Rachel?" "Uh huh."  "How ya feeling?" "Uhhhhhh.....what? So wait...uhhh...what?"  "I know this is hard.." "Alright, thank you, sure, umm, ok. So....what do we do now?"  "That's exactly what I wanted to hear Rachel." 
I can't tell you what happened next, I don't remember.  I can tell you that I cried.  I mean sobbed.  Long and hard.  My husband held me and tried with all his PJ might to not lose it.  He cried though, he cried.  And after I composed  my self my two year old beauty ran into the room complaining about being sooooo hunners, and I crumbled.  I don't know if I will ever be strong enough to talk about all the what if's that went through my head at this point.  Staring at that child and then seeing the adorable little one year old that toddled in next....it was nothing short of unbearable.  I spent the next 2 hours crumbling, composing, crumbling. Telling all my family and friends and hearing the gambant of reactions.  Here are the reactions I will share.  My dad. "What!!!!! What the heck does that mean?" (Really dad? I have thyroid cancer wasn't clear enough LOL) My brother. "Holy shit.  (a few sentences later) Is that hereditary?" (If you know my brother this will be hilarious to you).  Kelsey. "Innnttteerrresstinnngg."  ( I love this one.  It made me laugh out loud.  I needed that non dramatic reaction at that moment). 
Here's what I know now, almost one day in.  This sucks.  Ok, moving on. I WILL get through this.  I am strong and damn stubborn.  And most importantly, God will get me through this one way or another.Yes, God.  Here's the deal.  I love Jesus.  A lot.  I believe in him.  I believe that him holding my hand through this journey is just as real as the hand of my amazing husband.  I am aware that this might be where I lose some of you.  I hope not.  I hope you keep reading.  I hope you keep up on me.  I'm not saying that because I believe in God I will automatically be healed.  I am only saying that because I believe in God, I will be OK.  God didn't give me cancer, but he sure as hell will get me through it.  And yes, I just cursed in the same sentence that I referenced God.  I don't hide my feelings from Him, cursing and all.  He knows I'm a little bit pissed about this whole thing.  He loves me anyway.  I say all this to let you know that my blog will talk about Jesus because it is my belief  that he will be a very active part of this journey.  I won't preach it nor judge any others that don't believe as I, not my style.  I will just be honest and share what I experience every step of the way.  And I believe that Jesus will show up.  Big time.  Oh and P.S., he loves the crap out of you.
So, what now?  Well I have been feeling my neck every 5 minutes the past hour because it still hurts from the biopsy and I am convinced it feels hot and infectious-y (oh and yes I will also be making up words at times).  I'm going to go wake my poor sleeping husband to remind me that this whole crazy mess will be ok and that everything is going to be fine.  And then I am going to make him feel my neck for the 20th time to see if he thinks it feels all infectious-y.  And then I am going to wait for my new doctor to call and tell me what we do next.  And then I am going to kick this stupid cancer's butt.